i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
