i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
