when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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