i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
