You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
