You're so nebulous sometimes
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
