I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
