U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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