i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
