I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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