I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
