You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
