I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
