Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
