I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
