My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm always down for nudity.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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