im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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