I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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