3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
