omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
