You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
