just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
