I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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