someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
