I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
