Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
