You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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