double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how drunk are you?
Several
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
