seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize