He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
