youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
