It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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