Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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