dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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