I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
