Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
