I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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