I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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