There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
