i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
