you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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