She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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