This girl is more easily done than said...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
