I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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