Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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