put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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