I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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