hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
