Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
