I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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