flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
