Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
