I think I won the penis lottery.
it hurts more in the daytime
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize