Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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