It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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