so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
