One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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