So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
