Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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