8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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