you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
