After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
