he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
