dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
