I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
FUCK WHALES
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
