why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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