I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
