fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
