She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
