Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
