I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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