so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
