dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
