I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
