I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
is it fun? or sober?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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