my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
