i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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