Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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