Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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