That's when you crack a 10am beer
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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