Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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