thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You took a bar mat shot.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
