Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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