Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize