I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
