God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
