my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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