Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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