go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Panties = found
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
