I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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