just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
