so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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