omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize