So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
