I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We got so high we made milksteak
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
