the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
