Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
