I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
