Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
