i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
