Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
