Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love having hate sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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