We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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